E.S. Raye

I’ve been thinking about sharing another short story lately, and I have recently been encouraged to do so by a reader of this blog and my newsletter. So, I have decided to do it this week!

I’m proud of the following story despite the fact it has been rejected nine times. I think part of the reason it hasn’t been accepted yet is that it doesn’t use a standard narrative, and is instead told in only dialogue–news broadcasts, to be exact.

So, without getting too far into the details, please enjoy “Today’s Undead Forecast.”

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Today’s Undead Forecast

By E.S. Raye

Tuesday, October 1, 1968

“Good evening, and welcome. Governor Kirk today called up 2,500 troops from the Florida Army National Reserve to aid in the growing unrest in the unincorporated community of Gifford. Locals fleeing the area—roughly 100 miles southeast of Orlando—tell bizarre and harrowing stories of the dead rising from their graves to feed on the flesh of the living.

“I’m joined in the studio this evening by scientist, philosopher, and expert on the phenomenon known colloquially as ‘the living dead,’ Professor George Andrew. Thank you for speaking with me this evening.”

“Thank you for having me.”

“Alright Professor, let’s dive right in, shall we? What do you say to the people out there undisturbed by the events of the last 48 hours? Those who say that—despite the human tragedy—the dead sometimes rise from their graves. Those who say that this is all—in a word—’normal?’”

“That’s a great question, and let me speak directly to your audience, if I may: It’s true that there have been examples of this in the past. The ancient Greeks had a fear of the undead, and Haitian tradition has many references. But it’s important to remember that these historical occurrences are few and far between. Less than once in a generation, in fact. Today, however, is more evidence of the alarming increase we’ve seen in the number of these outbreaks. If something isn’t done to address the problem soon, the consequences may be dire.”

“Prophetic words, Professor. Let’s hope Congress is watching.”

#

Thursday, August 13, 1992

“And now over to Peter in the Channel 13 Z-Copter. What’s the undead forecast look like today, Peter?”

“Well, Jackson, I’ve got some bad news for commuters. We’ve got a throng of—let’s see—I’d say two, maybe three thousand gummin’ up the I-90. And that’s just for starters. As you and our listeners are no doubt aware, Wyoming’s wide open spaces are a natural congregating ground for the former-living. What’s more, our warm, muggy summers are the ideal climate for their bodies. No chance of desiccation out in this humidity!”

“Uh-oh, Peter. You only mention how comfortable the undead are here in Wyoming when you’ve got bad news! Out with it!”

“Haha! You got me Jackson. Alright, I’ll cut right to the chase. This two to three thousand strong blocking the interstate is just the beginning. It looks like we’re in for a big one, folks. A horde of 100,000 plus is currently moving northwest out of the Thunder Basin National Grasslands. Everyone from Antelope Valley to Spotted Horse, your weekend plans have just been changed!”

“Dang! There goes my backyard barbeque! Maria’s been planning it for weeks! Well, you heard him, friends. If you’re in Northeastern Wyoming this weekend, it’s time to stock up on ammo and batten down the hatches!

“In related news, analyses of last year’s undead census are in, and the numbers are shocking, showing a record-breaking population. Scientists are ringing alarm bells over the fact that each of the last five years has been the worst on record…”

#

Sunday, January 15, 2023

“So let me make sure I understand your position, Senator. You’re saying zombie hordes are a natural part of the planet’s ecosystem, and the idea that they’re caused by human activity is a hoax. Have I got that right?”

“That’s right, Neil. Records show us this is a cyclic phenomenon. It comes and goes throughout the millennia. We play no role in it—or if we do, it’s so small as to be insignificant.”

“Then what do you say to your opponents who point to the scientific consensus that this is a man-made acceleration? They, who argue we weren’t decapitating our dead before burial five decades ago? Or that massive hordes that batter entire states and terrorize their citizens every few of years—like your own North Carolina, for instance—used to be once-in-a-lifetime events?”

“I would direct those people to human history, Neil. So-called ‘scientific facts’ and ‘consensus’ change constantly! You know what doesn’t? Human history. It’s all written down in black and white. Once you do your own research, you’ll find evidence of an outbreak in Hierakonpolis—that’s ancient Egypt . More recently, Georgian-era Londonites were so concerned with the dead rising they popularized the ‘mortsafe’—a caged coffin! We’re clearly reaching the pinnacle of a new active undead period. That’s all.”

“So, you insist it’s a natural cycle, like sunspots?”

“Exactly! It may even be related to some larger sun cycle we haven’t discovered yet.”

“Senator Mazin, thank you for joining us this evening. It’s always a pleasure.”

“The pleasure’s all mine, Neil!”

#

Not far

“—reporting that the Great Plains Horde and the Dixieland Horde have merged in Oklahoma and Northern Texas. Satellite images of the combined mass indicate an estimated 200 million undead. Experts believe the new ‘Great Plains-Dixie Super-Horde’ shows signs it will migrate to the northeast, possibly to merge with the New England Horde.

“All citizens within the Appalachian Corridor are advised to immediately evacuate. Travel north and northwest to minimize encounters with the undead. Recent treaties with Canada have opened the border to refugees fleeing this unprecedented event. No documentation will be required to enter Canada, however, all persons will require proof of citizenship or legal residency to reenter the United States following the emergency.

“If your situation precludes evacuation without aid, respond to this broadcast on channel 2. However, due to the extraordinary nature and scale of this emergency, federal resources are over-exerted. Be advised: evacuation-aid workers may not reach you in time.

“Remember the anti-undead guidelines: when encountering five or fewer, it’s better to flee, as any sound can draw a larger group; if forced into confrontation, destroy the brain; firearms should only be used only as a last resort.

“The President of the United States wishes you godspeed and good luck.

“This message repeats:

“This is not a test. Repeat, this is not a test. Due to the ongoing undead disaster and civil unrest, the President of the United States of America has declared a state of martial law…”